Humour

At home in the workplace

T A Balasubramanian questions the benefits of telecommuting.

Bobo Jitter, the anxious CIO of Bazooka Company, takes a close look at his working life as he returns to the cozy confines of Dr Don Jong’s couch this week. As we know, Dr Jong is fondly called The Oddfather, given his incorrigible tendency to conjure up audacious methods to fix the tricky situations that are thrown up with the march of technology.

“I was thinking back about what we discussed last week, Doc, about Bazooka Virtual and how it might be possible to work from home.”

“Ah, so you are smitten by the wonderful prospects of video conferencing, eh? It seems that you have taken a hint from El Gizmo.”

“Well, Doc, it has had the opposite effect—it frightens me. From what my savvy CIO friend, Papyrus Bytewala of Baffle Corporation says, all this fascination with the idea of working from home—or telecommuting, as the geeks have dubbed it—may fizzle out quite early.”

“And why does your esteemed friend feel that way?”

“For one thing, it appears that telecommuting is a superficially popular notion. The excitement, according to Papyrus, is fabricated by media and marketing organizations. Even his HR Manager, Gulabi Manpowa, who is having an impossible time recruiting people who still wish to travel to work in their own bodies, tiresome and time-consuming though the experience may be, admits that she would be happy to propagate the message that telecommuting is overblown, and perhaps likely to disappear.”

“Ah, perhaps they have been influenced by my fellow psychologist Robin Dunbar and his book, ‘Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language,’ eh?”

“I will not be surprised if they have. The theory of our primitive need for physical grooming—that we may have inherited from our ape ancestors—is indeed compelling. However, there are other, even more compelling reasons that persuade me to avoid working from the cozy confines of my home. So permit me to paint for you a dreadful scenario that is haunting me, Doc.”

“That is what I am here for, my boy.”

“Perhaps I have to admit that my personal biases may be clouding my otherwise flawless reasoning, Doc, but as I try picturing what it would be like if I were forced to work from home, the scene is not pretty.”

“And why is that so?”

“To begin with, with a fully loaded refrigerator and a kitchen within easy reach and no qualms about eating at my desk, I am quite sure my already excess weight would reach a medically discouraged level in no time. Soon, my clothes would stop fitting, I would probably quit shaving and getting regular haircuts, eventually developing a striking resemblance to Jabba the Hutt in Star Wars.”

“Possibly. But that is something you could correct. Perhaps by using the room located at a maximum distance from the kitchen?”

“Then, again, Doc, you will agree that there is the delicate matter or my ‘emotional well-being’ thing— precisely what you have been toying with for so many years in this very office. I have been told that the most notable difference between an introvert and an extrovert like me is that an extrovert gets magically energized while interacting with people, whereas an introvert tends to experience fatigue doing the same thing.”

“Hmm, quite right. An extrovert would have to learn to do with less interaction with flesh-and-blood people if forced to work from home. However, you should not be hasty in deciding on this matter of being slotted as an extrovert or an introvert, Bobo. It is not always easy to be one or the other between neat polar opposites.”

“And why is that so, Doc? I would have thought it would be much easier for you to put me—or your other clients—into neat labelled boxes.”

“Easier, yes, but that is rarely true, my boy. From my study of monkey traits, I have discovered that all normal monkeys display ambivalent modes. They are what I call introvert-extroverts. This means that if monkey A has met monkey B before, then A would be quite outgoing and sociable with monkey B, even if B is accompanied by new monkeys C, D and E. But if A encounters C, D and E alone for the first time, he withdraws, or sulks in a corner.  So A is an introvert-extrovert, switching from one mode to the other. But of course, you and I are more advanced than monkeys, so we would not find it that difficult to pretend that we are extroverts when we wish to be left alone.”

“Quite so, Doc. But I understand that what is common to both introvert and extrovert, though, is that an inadequate amount of healthy interaction with others of the species can have an impact on all kinds of things, including creativity, and even lead to a sad expression on one’s face.”

“Maybe. And again, maybe not. Once again, my monkey story will illuminate what I say. Since my monkey A is by nature, both introvert and extrovert, it is not long before he learns to adapt to the art of living alone when deprived of monkey contact for long periods of time. He discovers ways to amuse himself, perhaps by looking at a mirror, or just sitting in a meditative way, staring into space, but nevertheless quite content to be alone. Now that is not a bad way to spend a working day, eh? Especially if you are going to be seated in a similar way before your computer screen, gazing off meditatively all day even when working at your desk from Bazooka after a tiresome commute.”

“Come on Doc. Like you said, we are more advanced than monkeys, are we not? If you notice, Bazooka’s culture is communicated, strengthened, modified, added to and reinforced through informal discussions, stories, rituals and interacting with our own special version of acronyms and geek speak.  Laugh if you will, but how exactly do I, as a home-bound CIO, reinforce and maintain the basic norms, beliefs and values of culture at Bazooka with no water coolers or empty cabins to gather around or dining rooms to meet in?”

“Ah, so now you have become conditioned to the little creature comforts of being in an office. And it is these little puffs of what you call Bazooka ‘culture’ that you fear will go missing if you work from home?”

“Well, it’s not just me or El Gizmo, Doc. Think of the group dynamics. Geographic dispersion and disembodied work teams that do not see each other in person are surely not formulas for strengthening the bonds that happen so smoothly between people bumping into each other at Bazooka? Not to mention the drama of the real-time, fast-paced, desk-thumping heated arguments needed to take El Gizmo’s half-baked idea and turn it into something an entire team can contribute to and cheer with pats on the back and clapping.”

“Ah Bobo, you are incorrigibly married to your company! Despite the many attractions of telecommuting, I see that it is best for you to go the extra mile and wallow in the company of humans—at least those who gather in Bazooka. Perhaps in the future you might be persuaded by El Gizmo to become a lone wolf in the hinterland of technology. Until then, my friend, the person in the next cabin is your chatty neighbour and the company is the closest thing to a home for you, eh?”