Humour

Nowhere to hide

T A Balasubramanian focuses on the lures of slick marketing.

With his patented non-conformist style, Dr Don Jong settles down for another turbulent session with Bobo Jitter, the squeamish CIO of Bazooka Company. Anointed by his fans as ‘The Oddfather’ because of the zany fixes that he offers, Dr Jong has  earned a reputation for weaving through the haphazard bylanes of technology’s unpredictable bouncers at work or at play.

“You seem to be wearing many extra layers of clothing, Bobo. Are you comfortable?”

“Well, Doc, I do feel chill these days. Mostly along my spine. It seems to me that all the new technology gizmos that I have to put up with, at work or at home, or even while traveling, are ready to strip me right down to the fig leaf level.”

“Mmm, and why do you feel that way, Bobo? Although it surprises me to hear that anyone would want to use a fig leaf in this day and age.”

“Just a metaphor, Doc. A few days ago I was reading an intriguing article. It appears that the popular portal, Boo-hoo!, which I use a lot for my email, has set up new tools for online advertising that takes it far ahead in the race for what is called “behavioural targeting.” That is to say, it will project online ads tailored to the profile of all those people most likely to buy. For example, if I had recently searched for information about USB flash drives, I might see an ad that gives the prices for the USB flash drives that are on the shelves in the store closest to my office or home.”

“So it worries you that the Boo-hoo! guys know so much about you?”

“Well, Doc, does it not bother you? We have all been hearing about the prospect of combining all that data about us now floating around in cyberspace to create ads that are pushed out to us as individuals, based on our known buying habits, or even certain propensities and hidden desires. Think of how frightfully intrusive it is all turning out to be.”

“Ah, Bobo, it was to be expected, of course. It reminds me of the saying: ‘the future is not what it used to be.’ If you have seen that fascinating science fiction movie, Minority Report, where Tom Cruise is accused of ‘committing’ a crime before it happens, you may not find these developments so frightful.”

“I did see it, Doc. And it made me paranoid for weeks.”

“Now, as I remember, in this movie there is a chase in which Mr Cruise is constantly being bombarded with big TV ads, each of them clearly aimed at him personally, even by his name, no matter where he goes running.”

“It is truly a fearful scenario that you paint. Is that what I will have to live with?”

“Well, look at it this way, Bobo. It is inevitable that the future of work in a connected world creeping more and more to the individual is going to be a whole lot more personalised than we can even comprehend now. But then, imagine the benefits of having personalised ads. Maybe you will not have to see so many ads for things that you are utterly disinterested in. Then again, if you observe, we see some of that personalisation already, and it does not seem so threatening if you allow the intrusion to sink in slowly. For example, every time you read a book review on a site like Amazon, you are informed casually that ‘readers who bought Book X also liked Book Y and Book Z, and we thought you might want to purchase it.’ Now, whenever you buy a second or third book from Amazon, guess what, it is you who provide them a selling point for their next—ahem—behavioural target.”

“But it is getting much worse than having to tolerate online tracking my book-reading habits, Doc. Yesterday El Gizmo, my project team leader explained to me that unless we CIOs take a stand, location-tracking technology could spell the end of individual freedom and privacy as we know it in the workplace. My mobile phone is useful, even indispensable for me. But it can pinpoint my location in an emergency, and that, if you ask me, or El Gizmo, is downright monstrous.”

“And why is it—ah, such a monster?”

“Well, Doc. To paraphrase El Gizmo, all the fawning attention wireless is getting these days seems totally out of proportion to its potential, especially given its considerable and even treacherous downside. It is technology with the power to harass me and invade my privacy in profound and heretofore unimaginable ways. It bugs me that I can literally be bugged and traced by this great vendor in the sky sending unsolicited messages that I may have no desire to see. I do not enjoy having my b ehaviour being targeted. It is as if they are watching my every move, day and night, without my permission.”

“Ah, ‘they’ are watching? So Big Brother has touched an exposed nerve, I see. Of course, you have a right to privacy, my boy. But then, what if you were to turn the tables on ‘them.’  What if you declared that this fearsome impersonal Big Brother, henceforth, will be demoted and turned into your personal King Kong pet?”

“Another monkey tale, Doc?”

“Yes, you are observant. As any jungle denizen will tell you, one cannot catch a monkey without being ready to part with a banana. Or even a bunch of bananas that you may be quite fond of yourself. Now, the average, gullible monkey may be fooled with a trap that is as simple as one over-ripe banana that you have no use for. But the smarter monkey—Big Brother turned King Kong—the one who you truly want to get your hands on, needs more genuine inducement. It forces you to look for something bigger that you cherish—and offer it up in exchange for higher value goodies.”

“What does it all mean, Doc?”

“I know that what ‘they’ say is that the entire information gathering is for your own good, and that it is to help them serve you better. A cliché, no doubt, but how else do you get Big Brother to eat off your hand? Do you not crave personal attention when you want to be served? As customers who are exceedingly demanding and fussy about what we want, can we help it if those who are to provide us with the objects that we fancy the most also want to know more about us, even our deepest desires?”

“True, but do I have to reveal everything, Doc? Even some of the nasty things I speak only to you about?”

“Of course not—you have the right to remain silent, Bobo, like the police recital goes when you face arrest. But remember, it’s not Big Brother watching you any more.”

“Yes, Doc. It’s my pet monkey, King Kong, eh?”

“Voila, you comprehend! So, maybe this sinister feeling of dread that you carry around will eventually become light and drop away, then? Even if your mobile rings when you walk past a computer store and you hear a strange salesgirl’s voice greeting you by name and making you an irresistible offer for the latest USB flash drive, eh?”