Humour

Geek management

T A Balasubramanian on the difference between geeks and ‘bleaks’.

Returning to the cool and comfortable office of the jaunty Dr Don Jong, Bobo Jitter, the curious CIO of Bazooka Company continues to seek ways to find balance in his swirling life. Dr Jong, as we know, is called The Oddfather, a title he has earned due to his skill in probing into technology’s tortuous inner workings and his penchant for coming up with the most unpredictable solutions.

“Doc, we observed in a recent session that a lot of techies in the IT world who work on programming projects seem to lack the ability to have fun at work?they seem to live in a dazed, unsmiling state?functional, but lost in a stream of code. I realised that one issue is that while these people were programmers, they were not true “geeks.” I found myself somewhat baffled by this phenomenon.”

“Ah, my boy, but after fixing my eyes and ears on the IT business for years, I have a pet theory as to why this is so.”

“You are observant, indeed, Doc. So what is this theory you have?”

“Well, Bobo, I think there are two kinds of software people most CIOs end up having to manage. The real geeks, on the one hand, who are usually a little difficult to manage, and, on the other hand are the programming machines—or the ‘bleaks’ as we call them at our clinic, who are simple to manage in many ways except one.”

“And what is that, Doc?”

“When they are required to be creative thinkers?or be resourceful in the face of breakdowns and unexpected events. You see, Bobo, the bleaks, as opposed to the geeks, are simply paralysed by the slightest bit of uncertainty, unwilling to just observe and figure out for themselves what will work, or will not. They entirely lack both the ability and the desire to experiment. In short, while they are programmers, they are not geeks, and that idea still seems somewhat strange and frightful to me, even if I happen to be in a business where dealing with frights is part of our daily grind.”

“And why is it frightful, Doc?”

“Well, when you think about programmers, you still think about people who program for fun, do you not? But these other guys?the bleaks?approach programming as if it is on an assembly line, and they need to be told the right way to do everything before they are willing to touch it.”

“Whereas the geeks, as you call them, are inventive, and go with the flow?”

“Yes, that’s it?they go with the flow, Bobo. You know, most of the geeks and the bleaks I observe are quite obsessed with work. You must have realised then that there are actually a lot of things that are done differently by the “true geek” set. I would imagine that real geeks have different priorities than most people when it comes to software projects.”

“Quite so, Doc. Even attracting and retaining them at Bazooka is quite a challenge.”

“But keep them on, you must. Even if they are hard nuts to work with most of the time.”

“Oh? And why is that so?”

“Well, Bobo, they are worth holding on to, for two reasons: first, most of the really good software guys fall into that category, and while you do not need all your geeks to be superstars, it sure helps if some of them are; and two, because they do not care all that much about the money.”

“So what does really matter to them, Doc?”

“Autonomy, for one thing. Micromanagement drives them crazy. This is a case where you must follow what I call management-by-monkey-nose, not management-by-monkey-tail. Figuring out how to do things is precisely what geeks enjoy about work?tell them what you want, not how you want them to achieve it. They will figure something out, and be willing to go above and beyond what is required, because it is, after all sniffed out by them.”

“I see, Doc. Whereas if you give them a checklist, they will do it haphazardly, because they’re not invested in it?”

“Exactly. The other feature is isolation. Geeks, all said and done, are not very social animals. They do their best work when left alone. To me, the cubicle is a horrible place, giving you all the obstacles to collaboration in offices, but without any of the privacy. Although it is terrible of me to say it, offices are ideal for most programming work by geeks, the only exception being in the early stages where there is a lot more collaboration and brainstorming than actual coding.”

“True, Doc. Actual coding needs extended, uninterrupted quiet time?well, sometimes it’s not quiet at all if you count music, but the sounds are chosen.”

“As you might have observed, Bobo, geeks who are coding are like monkeys meditating at noon after a meal. They get into the ‘zone’ of intense productivity, and even a 5-minute interruption can and will cost you an hour of productivity.”

“True, Doc. What else are the geeks into?”

“Technology, of course. Geeks want to be on the cutting edge. You are not going to retain one for an old fashioned project writing code for Yet-Another-Database for too long. You have to have a really amazing work environment, or seriously overpay them for work that frankly does not require superstars. More interesting projects often mean more than higher-paying projects.”

“Quite so, Doc.”

“And yes, geeks love fancy gadgets, just like the ones that James Bond gets to carry around on his escapades. It is worth investing in the technology they will use every day. They may not really ‘need’ a horrendously high-priced workstation with two high-resolution LCD monitors, but they will be more productive with one, be happier working on it, and it may do more to retain them than you would from a comparably-sized pay raise. Ever having to wait on substandard technology to keep up with them is irritating.”

“Right, Doc. So we do keep buying these marvellous machines with all the fittings that none of my boys will really need.”

“Ah, Bobo, the things a CIO has to do to keep going! But most importantly of all, though, real geeks despise ‘politics’, and by politics I mean any oily situation in which interpersonal considerations outweigh technical considerations. They need technical reasons for using a technology, not somebody’s feelings. They have no patience at all if they are asked, say, to use an older, inferior, or simply less appropriate tool ... like an old programming language ... because ‘the boss likes it,’ or because ‘we have always done it that way,’ and so on.”

“That’s right, Doc. I know my boys despise fiefdoms and compartments.”

“Geeks want to get things done. And they do not care overmuch who does them? When at work on their solutions, they will totally ignore interdepartmental boundaries? Like monkeys crossing territorial boundaries. This is not a bad thing; however, managers often think it is a bad thing, since they want their team to get the credit for it.”

“Right, Doc. What these managers fail to take into account is that trying to get the credit for it results in not just an inferior product but also unhappy geeks. Who knows, they may even turn into bleaks.”

“Voila, and we don’t want that, eh, Bobo?”