Humour

The disposable CTO

T A Balasubramanian on the emergence of the disposable computer.

“Well, Danny, you do seem to have taken your assumptions of being imperishable too seriously, if I may say so” you say, after what appears to be a long, significant pause.

You, Papyrus Bytewala, CIO of Baffle Corporation, are in conversation with Danny DeVito, your CTO, and bang in the middle of the crowded spaces of TOGGLE, the Techno Over-exposition of Geeks and Gizmos for Lazy Enterprises. In this bustling and noisy IT Bazaar, you are faced with your CTO’s unexpected rebellion. Here he is, flaunting his notion of robotic superiority in your face, when he is actually expected to learn meekly by immersion in the noisy exhibition, while listening to your wise remarks.

“But under the circumstances,” you continue, “I would be inclined to let your exaggerated sense of eternal mid-life pass without comment. This is hardly the place for us to quibble over my shaky organic origins, as opposed to your sturdy silicon roots.”

DeVito, the biped walking humanoid is full of surprises, and you pause to consider the best way to get back control without pushing the matter into another prolonged confrontation.”

“Well, Papyrus, I can’t help it if I happen to be built better than you. So what if I get bowled over by glib sales talk, whereas you would be suitably unimpressed? Or what if I cannot make sense of certain people when they mock me, while you would find a way to get back with a cutting repartee? Or even if I refuse to nod off, like you would, when subjected to an interminable monologue?”

“Oh, so you do recognise that you are up against some odd—shall we say—built-in barriers?” you say, sweetly.

“Well, well, well, is that you, Papyrus?” says a friendly voice coming from a booth nearby, before DeVito can respond. You turn to discover a burly man with a bushy grey beard in a voluminous gown shaking your hand. It is indeed a surprise to meet, once again, Gyani Billmemore, the renowned industry watcher as well as great gyan tantrik, or crystal-gazing wizard. No wonder the media has crowned him the “Guru of Gizmotopia”.

As you recall, he is actually one half of the firm Gyani Billmemore & Sellmemore, popularly known in the industry as GBS. Gyani Sellmemore, like his brother Billmemore, is a guru too, but they say he is a bio-technology marketing guru. In earlier days, GBS used to be called Technology Watchers of Industry Trends, or TWIT, for short. However, their marketing makeover consultants thought that they should have a more personal, yet more memorable name in line with current trends.

“Gyaniji, it is a pleasure to meet you here,” you chirp, introducing DeVito to the effusive man. The booth is done up in corporate purple tones, with a huge picture of the two bearded brothers mounted as a backdrop.

“So let me tell you more about what we have here for transforming enterprises, such as Baffle, as they rush into the uncertain future,” says Billmemore. “In particular, let me draw your attention, Papyrus, and you, Danny, to the dawn of disposable computer.”

“Ah, that seems good,” you say. “From the desktop, to the laptop, to the handheld model it went. So now it’s time to finally throw it away?”

“Well, not exactly, but you are close, Papyrus,” says Billmemore with a laugh. “We are rapidly approaching an era where most consumer products contain an embedded computer and network interface. A disposable computer is a small data processing device with input-output, memory, and communication links. It is intended to be used for a limited time or number of uses, and then discarded. We have a GBS demo device right here, essentially a processor mounted on paperboard. A paper computer, which you can embed into packing materials and use, for example, to track delivery data in courier packs or to monitor patient dosage data from within the pack for medications. While the availability of ubiquitously “wired” goods is currently a novelty, it will soon be not only commonplace, but all pervasive.”

“Ubiquitous. Wow! They will be everywhere, eh?” says DeVito, with a smirk, tapping his forehead with a thick finger. You glare at him, and he subsides with a shrug.

“However,” says Billmemore, unperturbed, “we contend that most predictions of ubiquitous computing drastically understate the number of networked devices. While it is easy for you to imagine networked toasters, fridges, televisions, and indeed, any already electronic device, following these will be the second wave of wired devices—the era of disposable computing—when the price of embedding a computer becomes insignificant compared to the cost of making it. We see the disposable computer making deep changes in your life. Smart changes.”

“Ah, so how will it do that?” you ask, mainly to seem interested.

“For example, in a medical packet, this tiny computer records when each pill is popped out of its individual slot. Then it lets you log details such as how well you slept that night and whether you have suffered any side effects. When the packet is put on a sensor device connected to a PC, this information is automatically sent back over the Internet to your doctor or to a pharma firm. Almost every object you encounter in daily life will become “aware”, try to interact with you, and it would exist in both the physical and virtual worlds.”

“I can see that happening already, Gyaniji,” you murmur, eyeing DeVito.

“Isn’t that sweet?” says DeVito, raising his hands. “How do we network with these quadrillions of devices, eh? Especially if you are a human with loads of attitude?”

“Attitude, yes,” says Billmemore, patting DeVito absent-mindedly as he proceeds lecturing, “The first wave of consumer electronic devices with a network interface will extend the current global network to trillions of devices. But it is the second wave, the outburst of non-electronic devices, which ushers in the revolution.”

“How often do you buy a new computer? And when you do, how long does it take to get it set up the way you need it? When every manufactured product you see larger than a paper clip is a computer, how do you configure them?” he asks DeVito, poking him repeatedly with a bony finger. “Rather than acquire a new computer every year, you will acquire them every minute, sometimes by the thousands. And you will throw or give away computers at the same rate—or your partner will finally leave you!”

He pauses for dramatic effect. “Objects with embedded computers will appear and disappear from the containing network at a frantic rate. When every book, packet, street sign, soda can and pen is active and networked, the number and diversity of devices will challenge out ability to control and manage them. That is where we come in with the GBS Quadrillion Node Net.”

Disposable smart computing devices by the quadrillion? This is beginning to sound promising. What if GBS could make a new generation of embedded robots, maybe even paper models that could be swiped a few times and then – thrown away? Indeed, what if they could confront Danny DeVito with the prospect of a dispensable humanoid CTO?