Humour

Unravelling DeVito

T A Balasubramanian on dealing with boss-subordinate conflict.

Doodh Byramji, better known as Doodh, or Doodhi, our unstoppable design engineer from Baffle Technologies, continues his observations of Danny DeVito’s on-going evolution in his diary.

As the first biped walking humanoid out of Ironica Robotica’s Bangalore laboratory, DeVito, acronym for Debonair, Vocal IT Oddball, is the CTO at Baffle Corporation, designed to be reporting to Papyrus Bytewala, CIO.

Presently, Byramji is paying close attention to the interactions between Papyrus, Danny and Chaibo, the tea-serving robot.

11.00 am: To my pleasant surprise, we are joined by the lovely Prof Ironica Asimova, the Founder and Head of Robotica, who is wearing a gorgeous dress with batik prints, and a blouse that shows off her full figure. Accompanying her are the two beautiful staffers, Senior Researcher Nina Nilgiri, in a blue T-shirt, and Lola Lipton, Chief Designer, who is in a skin-tight black pantsuit.

All this is making the conference hall quite crowded. But, of course, the presence of these three attractive guests is a welcome intervention. Used to pottering around with the inner workings of software and boring hardware, it is not surprising that I find myself tongue-tied, under the circumstances. DeVito, on the other hand, is full of bounce and pep, considering that his three brainy creators are literally all here today, hopefully ready to bail him out if the proceedings become too sticky for a humanoid to handle.

“Good morning, folks,” says Ironica, radiant as usual. “So we understand that Danny and Chaibo are getting to know each other at Baffle? And you, Papyrus, the man for all technology seasons, I suppose, have found ways and means to make friends with our new CTO here?”

“Ah, you could say that we are learning the ropes, so to speak,” says Papyrus, tactfully. “If a constant need to reassert my authority can be taken to be learning by DeVito, that is.”

“There seem to be teething troubles?” says Ironica, ever the sensitive one. “And what does dear Danny have to say about this?”

“Learning the ropes? Teething troubles?” says Danny, clutching his head and grimacing.

“What seems to be the problem, Danny?”

“These metaphors are driving me nuts. I am required to develop a sense of humour, according to Lord Bytewala here. As he delicately puts it, I lack a funny bone, which I get now, is another metaphor, but one that was not in my data bank. So, in spite of the limited store of metaphors in my bank, I am also required to follow my Lord’s streaks of annoying metaphorical allusions and flights of fancy. Moreover, …”

“Hold it, hold it, Danny. I am beginning to get the picture,” she says, quickly, moving over to put a slender hand across his shoulders. “So what we have here is a classic case of dissonance between boss and subordinate.”

“Ah, so there it is. I being the subordinate, have to bow low before the boss?” says DeVito, sarcastically, putting his hands together and bending forward till his fingers touch the floor a few feet away from Papyrus, who hastily steps back.

“Oh, no, I don’t mean that. It’s not about bowing low or being a subordinate as in being a slave, Danny. You are created to be free of all human bondage.”

“Excuse me? So how exactly is a subordinate different from a boss, especially if he’s described as a subordinate?”

“Ah, good question, Danny. So let me see what I can tell you about human bosses. Since they have been around a lot, they are not afraid to explore all sides of an issue, even if it means being unpleasant, confrontational and spending an excessive amount of time using all kinds of metaphors to say what they have to say. As you notice, they are generally very direct when it comes to stating facts, offering criticism and giving orders.”

“Yes, I notice. Then Lord Bytewala takes out his metaphorical whip and flays me until …”

“All right, all right,” says Ironica, quickly, then turns to Papyrus.

“Observant, Prof Asimova,” says Papyrus, who has been quietly observant himself thus far. “Though I would differ on the details, and quibble on the exaggeration about metaphors. However, since we are looking into humanoid subordinate behaviour, could you tell me this—how would I handle my ever-performing CTO here differently if I were to be, say, a humanoid myself?”

“That’s good, Papyrus. I will let Nina explain this part,” says Ironica, waving to her protégé graciously.

“Oh, of course, I will,” says Nina. “The way DeVito is designed, Papyrus, is to speak up if he does not agree, and to state what he feels clearly, even his shortcomings, such as the metaphors being unavailable in his data bank. So, if you were to think like he does, you will have to keep in mind that the personal element is marginalised. The way we have made humanoid intelligence work in Robotica is to keep much less of domination in the boss-subordinate equation. A humanoid subordinate who disagrees with his boss is programmed to confront the boss, flatly stating—‘No, you are wrong!’—after which a heated discussion will then ensue, points being made aggressively, sometimes almost belligerently. A human boss, such as you, would be very uncomfortable with this, of course. But if you were both humanoids, you would walk away unscathed, your relationship unchanged.”

This is fascinating I think as I record it. With more DeVitos going around, humanoid psychology could create a revolution in human business hierarchies, where resentments are more buried than flaunted. If bosses could be talked backed to by subordinates who are free to speak exactly what’s on their minds, who knows what wonders could be achieved in de-stressing the average workplace of today?

“Yes, that’s me, Nina,” says Danny, suddenly beginning to look more lively.

“Humans, on the other hand, do everything to accentuate the personal side: they want to be liked and socially accepted,” says Ironica, taking over from Nina. “In most situations, they’re guided less by intrinsic values than by the opinion others may have of them. So for a human boss, it is important that he looks bossy when he’s dealing with subordinates, even if he’s disinclined to be a butt-kicker. He likes to impress those around him by displaying his authority. That’s not fair to a subordinate, human or humanoid, but historically, since most business happens by bosses issuing commands and their subordinates executing them faithfully, that’s what subordinates end up doing.”

“Do you have to explain it to Danny in such gruesome detail?” says Papyrus, glumly. “How am I going to get any work down around here?”

“Ha, ha,” says Chaibo. “Here is my assessment. Papyrus needs a good laugh.”