Humour

Testing Chaibo (part 1)

T A Balasubramanian writes about the corporate chai-serving robot’s (Chaibo’s) early test run.

Further notes from the diary of Doodh Byramji, also known as Doodh or Doodhi. Byramji is a hard-working design engineer employed at Baffle Technolo-gies, otherwise called Baff-Tech.

Here he records the early test run of Chaibo, the first programmable, semi-autonomous, biodynotic, corporate chai-serving robot, and an updated descendent, or ascendant (to be more accurate), of the Chai Server. Chaibo’s final testing and delivery is now in the able hands of Professor Ironica Asimova, an acknowledged expert on robotics, and Head of Ironica Robotica.

10.30 am: I am at the test hall of Ironica Robotica to witness the early demo sessions of Chaibo. Chaibo, the robot that we have made as part of the project to update the Chai Server from Baffle Corporation, will soon begin attending mock meetings at Ironica Robotica this week.

“Well, Doodh, here is your special Chaibo. He is not unlike Artoo-Deetoo, you see, the cute robot from Star Wars. Most of the time, we have programmed him to mind his manners,” says Prof Asimova, patting the compact contraption standing on wheels next to her. “Like the temperamental rolling dwarf he takes after, Chaibo is mostly friendly, but sometimes he tends to get cranky and prone to spells of depression.”

Chaibo is a squat, compact robot resembling a grey version of a moving can. The robot’s red mouth and blue eyebrows both move, depending on his mood.

“Shouldn’t we avoid putting negative feelings into his head?” I say, concerned that the already tempestuous meetings at Baffle and other companies may become even more furiously fought if this machine were to be like the rest of the corporate mob.

“Our research shows that people don’t like to be confronted by perfectly efficient corporate models. Even if they are in meetings to offer beverage support and improve office efficiency, the robots ought to be goofy, sometimes, just like we all are. We tend to bond better with something that has faults, you know. Makes them more human, and likeable.”

“That makes sense, Professor Asimova,” I nod, thinking of all the glitches in the software programmes I have encountered over the years.

“Oh, Doodh, here is my Chief Designer, Lola Lipton, head of the biodynotics team that developed Chaibo. She will explain to you the features of Chaibo,” she says, turning to introduce a stunning young girl in jeans and a tank top who walks into the hall.

I shake hands with Ms Lipton, telling her how much I appreciated her efforts. For some reason, I find it difficult to look away from Lola.

“Lola, could you show Doodh how Chaibo performs?” says Ironica, excusing herself. “I will get back in a few hours, Doodh. Lola will take care of the demo for you.”

“Oh sure, Professor Asimova,” says Lola, dazzling me with a warm smile. I feel elated. This was turning out to be a special day indeed.

Lola claps her hands and the robot moves back to her. “You see, Doodh? Chaibo senses and finds people in a room. He will play host, approach them and ask them whether they would be interested in being served chai. He is a self-training model, able to learn about his surroundings and adapt to new situations.”

“How does he move around?” I ask, watching as the metal dwarf rolls ahead and then spins around before hitting a wall.

“An on-board computer and sensors that use infrared lights to measure distances help Chaibo navigate and map his environment,” explains Lola, walking alongside me. “Chaibo avoids collisions much the same way in which bats do—by sending out sound waves and measuring how long the echo takes to bounce back.”

The programmers have done a good job of putting all of Brooke Bond’s specifications into the machine’s memory. “Chaibo will offer a choice of beverages, which, at present, are limited to a variety of tea mixes, but the menu can be expanded to include other choices such as coffee or other beverages,” affirms Lola.

She goes on to explain how Chaibo can participate in meetings interactively. “He will listen to attendees, make decisions about their behaviour, mimic their voices, copy their preferred mannerisms, and then add his own repertoire of quirky behaviour to make meetings come alive.”

Lola explains the add-on Chaibo features as well. For those unable to attend a meeting, built-in cameras that double as Chaibo’s eyes will allow absentees to review the meeting from their own computers so they can spend even more time watching others spending time elsewhere. I suspect that Baffle’s CEO would not like this add-on at all. Given the choice, almost the entire staff would opt to watch the meeting in absentia, but if nobody attended, what would there be for Chaibo to shoot and show?

“When people approach it, Chaibo starts smiling,” Lola says. “I would say it’s a happy robot—when his path is blocked, he says ‘Excuse me,’ and waits for space to clear.”

Chaibo can respond to voice commands to stop, move or serve. He learns from experience and can express various ‘emotions’ such as anger, sorrow and joy. Lola and her designers have also added a touch of attitude. Chaibo frowns when people crowd his space, and he blows a whistle to get people to move. This is largely a safety precaution because Chaibo cannot manoeuvre when his path is cluttered.

“We are testing the limits, anyway. Large groups of people trying to disturb the robot will actually help the research,” Lola says, brightly. “The new surroundings will allow us to see how people in meetings interact with robots and how Chaibo responds when disturbed by them.”

“Oh, you will get plenty of disturbances at places such as Baffle’s conference room, I can assure you,” I inform her.

“Our goal is to have more people get chai served by this robot than any other robot in history,” Lola says.

I wonder if she has ever been inside a corporate meeting at Baffle.

4.30 pm: Ironica returns, and Lola Lipton hands me back to her chief, though I would have preferred a continuation of the demo. Reluctantly, I watch Lola leave, and Ironica resumes talking to me, with what I think is an amused expression.

“So you enjoyed the demo, Doodh? Lola seems to have created quite an impression on you, eh? I wonder if Darjeeling would approve?”

“I think so… Oh, the demo…it was fine,” I mumble.

“Well, Doodh, a little more data for you. Lola has created a tuning attachment, the Chaibo Tuner kit, which, she says can be used by Chaibo’s owner to master the metallic host’s every motion. Through a PC interface, you can create customised voice commands to control Chaibo’s movements. You could even whistle a set of instructions if you are too lazy to talk,” says Ironica, laughing.

“I wish there was something like that for catching attention of people who are difficult to talk to,” I say, with a sigh.

“Don’t even think of whistling at Lola, Doodh,” says Ironica. “She has designs only on robots, not people.”

(to be continued next week)